I can't watch pbs sober anymore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
