There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
