Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
