Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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