I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
