I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
