I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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