Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
