We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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