He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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