I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
