Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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