The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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