six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
