i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
