Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
