I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Green mimosas i think yes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
