ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
