Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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