I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
