haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
