is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
