I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize