so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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