my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
