Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
