It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize