My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize