nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
