thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
