we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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