Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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