Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
