Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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