my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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