I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
