your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
