He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Someone signed my nipple.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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