great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
