I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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