Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
