dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize