I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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