i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
