If i come over, it means nothing
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
