hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
