Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
