do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
