This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
