Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize