suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
