I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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