Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
