so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
