Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
