I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
