sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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