It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
