Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
