Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
