I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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