I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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