Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize