I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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