:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
