my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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