THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
