He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
