Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
