Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
