new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
