i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
