You smell like a Billy Joel song
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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