my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
