I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
