I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
