in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
True college students do jello shots in the library
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
