After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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