If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Randomize
