i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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