I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
