What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
