I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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