I think my fart just growled at me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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