How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Barsexuality is the new black.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
