my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
