The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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