So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
