So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
