Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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