Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize